Started with a catastrophe ended up as the cheapest and best GASS AGM ever (said Henslow Tours rep). I quote the rep “that even beat Pontins!” I should add he was drunk at the time. THE 42nd GASS AGM. A short reminder of what happened and what was decided as a record for posterity and to help us in our dotage recall what we did in 2024 CHEAPEST AGM EVER!  £565 for flight and shared room for four nights in a 4 star in Hvar.  Beat that lastminute, Henslow Tours rises from the ashes! Once you all get your (hopefully, BUT NOT YET CERTAIN) £350 compensation on top of your £176 refund your actual return flight will have cost just £92 ( maths:  BA £333 plus paid to Owen £285 = £618.  Less refund £176 plus compo £350 = £526. Flight cost return = £92. Ta da).   Flight plus shared room = £565. CHEAP However it wasn’t all smooth sailing……….. The AGM started badly.  A masterly understatement if ever there was one.  The Henslow Tours office opens early, at 04.15 on Friday morning to be precise.  Imagine the scene, your tour rep gets out of bed, bollock naked, and the first thing he sees is a text on his phone. - “BA842 cancelled, you are rebooked a mere 32 hours later at a time that makes accessing your hotel before midday Sunday impossible.  Have a nice day.  Yours, British Airways”. It was possibly the worst few hours of my life, and only later did I find I shared it with around 40,000 other people, so around 8,000 organisers like me, sitting naked, stunned, panicked (OK not all of them would have been naked) who suffered the same fate of cancelled flights that weekend.  The difference was I bet the other 40,000 did not have the support of people who could step into the breach (as I enjoyed a two hour mental breakdown) and of the tolerance of all the others in the group who did not moan once, just cracked on and fitted in at short notice with the changed plans. It bears repeating that I knew we were screwed by text from BA at 04.15. Checked it was not a scam.  Had meltdown. By 04.40 I’d called Hugh to cancel cars and make a plan. Next called our Chairman Owen. Plans made and amended. Extra passport info obtained. 19 passenger API’s to type by hand, average 50 letters and numbers per person, times 19, almost a 1000 characters to type, get one wrong, you don’t fly.  Hugh’s message, just 2 hours after being told of the catastrophe, gave everyone 10 minutes to agree to an unspecified plan at an unspecified price.  To everyone’s immense credit everyone did just that. Two different flights, two different departure airports, two different arrival airports, one was 150 miles from the hotel, eight cars to organise, two speedboats to organise, one hotel to organise to keep rooms past last check in.  Refunds to organise, compensation to organise, getting dressed to organise, calming down to organise.  And we cracked it.  Massive thanks you to Owen (flights and API and paying £4800 of his own cash out) and Hugh ( planning options, cars and talking me down off the ceiling), and to all the members for not moaning, querying or getting in the way, but just doing what you were asked.  Fantastic.  We all made it in one piece and only a few hours late.  Hope the other 40,000 cancelled by BA alone were as lucky. Interestingly, if we had been with a travel agent I don’t think we’d have done so well.  Our flexibility, capability and ability to react and have a workable plan by 06.00 was what got us there only a few hours late.  Agents open at 09.00. I’m always going to treasure Hugh’s message at 06.30 saying “I’m pressing the button at 06.40, if you’re not coming message me quickly, otherwise you are GOING”. All he got was silence, possibly no one got the message. Anyway - you all came and thank you! So, drama resolved, on with the minutes………. Great hotel, massive pool, excellent food and service.  Into Hvar town, lovely place, lovely people, very smart and upmarket, very friendly.  Not cheap, but not crazy. 10% off for cash in every restaurant, great weather (Monday excluded).  Free day Saturday was taken up with food, booze and banter and the Grand GASS Cap Auction. Sailing Sunday was a success, nobody drowned, great lunch.  Monday was slated for the AGM in a nice beach bar restaurant in private (to avoid upsetting couples and families who seem to have an issue with listening to drunks shouting at each other over arcane points of order).  Tuesday chilling by the lovely hotel pool and topping up the tan before the boat home and a flight that actually took off! THE AGM AGENDA To keep things simple an agenda had been circulated beforehand.  Apologies for absence, The Accounts, The Officers, The Meetings, Meeting Budgets, Any Other Business. THE ACCOUNTS:  All is well.  The new meetings system meant we came in on budget. EVERYONE HAS PAID THEIR SUBS (a first?).  We had a surplus of £278 and a carried forward cash balance of £5,608. OFFICERS:  Owen agreed to carry The Chairmanship into his second year (thank goodness), Ron agreed to keep fiddling the accounts (thank goodness).  Brian agreed to remain as CEO and Obergruppenfuher (maybe a mixed blessing) and so all is well at the top.  An experienced team lead GASS into its 43rd year. THE MEETINGS:  The new system clearly worked better than the old system.  So on with the new system.  We re-dealt the cards to allocate new teams of two to each month.  This is how it came out MEETINGS 2024/5 OCT. PUB. WAYNE. STEVE. £900 NOV. PUB. GARY. PETE. £900 DEC. AWAYDAY. OWEN. PHILC. £1300 JAN. PUB. RON. RAY.  £900 FEB. ENTERTAINMENT. GRAHAM. STUART. £1100 MAR. PUB. NICK. OLLIE £900 APR. AWAYDAY. HUGH. JOHN. £1300 MAY. ENTERTAINMENT. IAN. PHILR. £1100 JUN. ENTERTAINMENT. ANDY. KEITH. £1100 JUL. AWAYDAY. TONY LEN. £1300 AUG. ENTERTAINMENT. BRIAN. CHRIS. £1100. Swopsies allowed. Just let me know if anything changes team or meeting wise.  In November I will publish any updates.  It’s flexible so don’t worry about changes, just keep me in the loop. MEETING BUDGETS: Ron suggested we reduce the £5,600 cash we hold by about £1,100 a year over 5 years and worry about the outcome in 2030 (those that are still here and still have the ability to worry). That means an extra hundred quid on every meeting, hence the higher budgets shown  above (missed that did you?). THE GASS ‘NO WINE’ RULE:  Not to be confused with the ‘no whining’ rule.  That was the rule introduced in March 2023 after some serious whining and arguing over the bill and all to do with flipping wine at the table.  That rule worked really well until June 2023 when our Chairman wanted a bottle of Premier Cru Chablis but couldn’t be arsed to pay for it himself, so back we went to whining.  The issue is that house wine might be £25 a bottle, but if you insist on top end wines they might be £65 a bottle, the difference is equal to the  £40 we all pay per month!  That however is not actually the issue for around 30-40% of our members WHO EITHER DON’T FUCKING DRINK OR ONLY HAVE A COUPLE.  The issue is why on earth should they (1) Have to pay out of funds or surcharges quite so much (and yes, I get the thing about don’t be a girlies about the bill, but only if you get the thing about don’t kick the arse out of it). (2) Have to listen to the repeated moans and bad feeling when it happens, or worse, have to just fume about the overspends being carried out by just the other 30-40% of the members.  For clarity I count myself in the honest, fair, upstanding and remaining 20% who do drink but don’t kick the aforesaid arse out of it.  Obviously. The beauty of the NO WINE rule was that it (1) takes an enormous amount of strain off the budgets and (2) meant that you can all have the wine you want, or no wine.  AS LONG AS YOU PAY FOR IT YOURSELF.  Easy-peasy From now on Meetings organisers can make full use of the rule if they wish as it leaves so much more budget for entertainment and food, or avoids surcharges. If an organiser uses that rule just make it clear to the venue that you won’t be liable for ANY wine on the final bill and everyone that wants wine, fine or cheap, pays for their own bottle to share or drink alone. ANY OTHER BUSINESS:  To summarise the most important outcomes of the AGM: Len in NOT fatter than he is tall (his tum-wum is 80% of his height, 53v68 inches for those with a morbid and misplaced interest). Owen is still chairman, Owen is a shit High Court judge but the the trial outcomes were a triumph for friendship and common sense, and that one should never ever give our chairman a gavel, fucking lethal, especially to Ron’s phones. Oh, and we all have a nice GASS hat to wear.  Some have two, fuck knows why! SO. To recap for meetings organisers.  It’s simples.  Tell us WHERE (ideally the ACTUAL postcode of the meeting location, not a different museum or Grahams office).  Tell us WHEN, the start time.  Only tell us WHAT is going to happen if you want to.  Tell us HOW MUCH if there is a surcharge (if there is a surcharge and you don’t want to pay it - don’t come!  It’s not optional). Tell us if you are imposing RULES like the NO WINE rule, or any other rule, like Steak £10 extra, it’s your meeting, your rules. So WWWHR.  WHERE,WHEN,WHAT,HOW MUCH, RULES.  I so wish I could have come up with a snappier anagram. All suggestions welcome. ‘World Wide Web Human Resources’ is how I remember it. It helps me enormously. THE GASS COURT DEBACLE The meeting having closed we moved on to THE GASS COURT:  Something that we did last year in Barcelona (the 11 of us who made it- B11!!!) with great success and many laughs.  It was intended to be the entertainment for the meeting. Bought back by general acclaim by the eleven AGM attendees from last year because it was really funny, but with added wigs and wooden gavel for the judge.  Judge Brunning KC presiding.   THE RESULTS OF THE CASES:  Henslow v Else, settled out of court.  Smith v Slasher, hung jury, case dismissed.  Other cases:  Adjourned due to lack of court time and disturbances in the courtroom.  Final result, all parties happy and hatchets buried, friendships renewed. Not quite all parties were happy.  The court was not so well received by those who missed last years AGM, who maybe misconstrued the purpose and so failed to get the joke or simply roll with it. Instead, some members ended up getting very wound up and hot under the collar days before anything actually happened, all to no effect. As it turned out the court succeeded in its aims and was really funny for those that got the joke, not so much from the others who sadly suffered a pre-planned sense of humour failure. GASS is often about piss taking when pissed, and piss taking is not normally a reason to storm out of the room. We all have views, often different views, and we accommodate them.  I get that the court idea was not everyone’s idea of fun but the important thing is it was the majorities idea of fun (and it achieved its aims), so maybe just roll with it sometimes guys, maybe even enter into stuff for fun.  Not everything we do is everyone’s choice, we are a big group of mixed ages, egos and approaches. The comment I always love most is “This isn’t GASS as I knew it!”  Yes it is, it’s always been like it. It's not always confrontational, but it often is, that’s part of the fun of GASS.  We are a varied and tough bunch. Piss taking is ingrained.  It’s GASS. Just like always.  Good God, even angry storming out of AGM’s has been going on for years, so much so it is almost a GASS tradition.  Sometimes we even have punch-ups.  2024 was mild by comparison.   The court cases were a 10 minute harmless laugh, nothing more, and they succeeded in their aims.  GASS is not some sort of modern ‘safe space’.  Far fucking from it!  Grow a pair. Get stuck in. Have a laugh at someone else’s expense. See what I did there? Maybe next time we will have some local traditional musicians playing for us (no, that caused a walk out), maybe we should ask for bread rolls to be supplied (no that caused a walk out), maybe we could just enjoy a beer at a bar (no that caused a fight), maybe...... Maybe we could just sit quietly and discuss politics, or dwarfs, or rimming (eeugh!), or Nocturia (look it up)...... So in conclusion, another great AGM. The venue was excellent, lots of great restaurants, not to expensive bearing in mind the surroundings, and IF the worlds favourite airline do decide to pay up the promised refund (£179pp already credited to the 16 group flyers) and the £350pp compensation, fingers crossed, then it will be the cheapest AGM ever. If not then its back to court, this time GASS v B.A. Only time will tell. REMINDER: The editor of this website feels under NO obligation to tell the truth, be fair and unbiased, or to be objective. The views expressed here are subjective, totally biased, only partly true and to a large extend imagined. No references made to persons living or dead are meant to reflect on any GASS member or to be taken literally. All complaints should be addressed to The Editor, GASS Website, 23 Gnome Towers, Zurich, Switzerland EO987.

To save members wandering around in a daze all weekend, not sure what's happening, when to be down in the lobby, what to wear, worrying if GASS has any money, fretting about fees - HERE IS THE ANSWER............... FIRST THINGS FIRST THE GRAND GASS CAPS AUCTION. Meet in the hotel lobby one hour after we check in for the first ever GASS CAPS AUCTION. On sale are 22 top quality original Beechfield caps with the new 2024 GASS logo. Follow the instructions on the form below and put the colour you yearn for most on the GASS AGM Whatsapp group. The most popular colour goes up for auction first. Reserve £10, bids in £5 lumps (£/E the same). Anything raised over the costs of £200 goes straight to the GASS kitty. 22 different colours, so one for every member. Ray, Stuart and Chris get the leftovers. GET BIDDING FOR THE COLOUR THAT BEST SUITS YOU!!! DAILY PROGRAMME ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING VENUE AND DAY :  It remains to be decided WHERE we hold the AGM in Hvar.  Members are requested to search for a likely location that seats 19 for lunch or dinner.  The options of WHEN are probably either SUNDAY or MONDAY EVENING or TUESDAY LUNCHTIME.  This is because Saturday would be too soon, Sunday we are sailing (although Sunday night is a possibility), Monday day we are probably occupied so lunch may not be available .   DISCUSSION REQUIRED FRIDAY Check in the down the bar for the GASS CAP AUCTION. Into town to check out HVAR, probably in groups as 19 is a BIG group, be on the lookout for future lunch and dinner spots. SATURDAY Free day all day and evening. SUNDAY Meet at the dock at 10.15 dead. full days sailing, back at 18.30. Bring 80E cash per head. If you fail to show you still OWE 80E! Someone will pay on your behalf and you must pay them back. Bring some beers as none provided. ITINERARY: Depart at 10.30, sail east down the coast to Borce or Zarace beach for a swim stop. Sail west to Palmizana Beach for lunch at 2.30 at Bacchus. At around 4.30 sail east again to stop at Mlinin Beach (Mamato Bar) at then home by 18.30. Route subject to change. The evening is free (possible AGM dinner option). MONDAY Free day all day and evening. ELECTRIC BIKE RIDE ANYONE? The hills behind Hvar are lovely and there is a nice electric bike ride, steep up, long fast downhill back, about 25k, stop for lunch halfway, great on powered bikes if anyone fancies it. Check it out there. MONDAY evening is another AGM dinner option. TUESDAY: Check out by 11.00. Leave luggage at hotel. Off for lunch. Possible AGM lunch? The transfer to the airport is from the hotel dock at 16.00 sharp. ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING – 2024 – HVAR   DRAFT AGENDA - Feel free to add stuff at the meeting!   APOLOGIES FOR ABSENCE:   The turnout of 19 for this year is excellent, only Chris, Ray and Stuart not able to make it.   ACCOUNTS:   Ron will no doubt give a full report on the year but in essence the situation is as follows:   SUBSCRIPTIONS:            22 collected of £480, total £10560 – everybody paid on time! MEETINGS:                         11 Meetings – 4@£800, 4@£1000, 3@£1200 – total £10,800                                                 Cost of meetings = £10,522  Surplus £278.  An actual surplus! Deduct some website costs and that meetings cost a bit more than fees                                                 Surplus brought forward from 2023 - £5787 SURPLUS carried forward £5608   So the new meetings method worked a treat!  Slight surplus and no budgetary issues.  Still got £5,608 in assets.  No pressure on the £40 fees.   OFFICERS:   Brian Henslow proposes Owen Brunning as Chairman  after such a successful year.  Owen brings to the role the right mixture of humour, discipline and piss taking.   Ron has indicated his agreement to continue in the role of Financial Director,  Brian has indicated his agreement to continue in his role as C.E.O.  DISCUSSION AND VOTE REQUIRED     MEETINGS:   The new method was on trial for a year and Brian Henslow proposes it be continued for another year .  It successfully spread the load, bought in some great meetings, stopped members taking the piss on costs and came in dead on budget.    DISCUSSION AND VOTE REQUIRED   To mix it up a bit I propose that we use B11 members as the main men again as they are also in the main the hard core members, but redraw the months and the meeting partners.  The months will be predetermined as to meeting type, rather than leave it to chance.  More Pub meetings in the winter, more Entertainment and Away in spring and summer.   The draw would be as follows: B11 MEMBERS EACH GET DEALT A MONTH BY THE CHAIRMAN.  Graham, Owen, Gary, Hugh, Brian, Nick, Tony, Ron, Wayne, Andy, Ian. B11 MEMBERS EACH GET DEALT A PARTNER BY THE CHAIRMAN.  Steve, John, Phil C, Ollie, Keith, Pete, Stuart, Ray, Phil R, Len, Chris.   MONTH                2023       MEETING                                             PROPOSED FOR 2024 OCT                        PUB       Babasheesh                                      PUB NOV                       PUB       Rose & Crown                                    PUB       DEC                        AWAY   Christmas at Pride                       AWAY JAN                        PUB       Tumeric                                                PUB FEB                        PUB       Park Gate                                            ENTERTAINMENT MAR                      ENT        Spain on boat                                    PUB APR                        AWAY   Spitfires                                               AWAY MAY                      ENT        Pedalos                                                ENTERTAINMENT JUN                        ENT        Learn DJ skills                                    ENTERTAINMENT JUL                         AWAY    War of the Worlds                         AWAY AUG                      ENT        Wine Tasting                                      ENTERTAINMENT   DISCUSSION AND VOTE REQUIRED   BUDGETS:   Ron has suggested that if we continue to run a ‘balanced budget meeting system’ as above, then the need for the £5,000 cash cushion diminishes.  Ron’s suggestion is that we increase the budget for all meetings by £100, drawing down an additional £1,100 a year from the £5600 carried forward.  At that rate we would have five years before we had to reconsider.           The new budgets would be PUB £900, ENTERTAINMENT £1,100, AWAYDAY £1,300.  DISCUSSION AND VOTE REQUIRED   MEETING IDEAS:   It might be helpful for members to throw into the ring any spare ideas they may have for meetings in 2024/25 to assist organisers.   ANY OTHER BUSINESS: ENJOY THE TRIP!!! And there you have it folks, all on your phones, all accessible. The marvels of modern science! Final reminder. Henslow Tours have done their best., but fate is a fickle mistress, and lots can go wrong on any tour. Please direct your complaints to the Croatian responsible, please direct only fulsome praise to your Henslow Tours rep, who I would remind you is called Brian.

What a day, not everyday ends in such a drama, such a laugh, as JB gets asked to leave, and we all get thrown out of a prestigious venue, on our ears. Never happened before or since. The day started with a meet on Trinity Square, near The Tower of London, for a few beers. Attendees were the GASS LUNCH CLUB crowd. First up was a RIB RIDE up the Thames, great big boat, hired exclusively for GASS with 12 on board. Lovely weather and a surprisingly fast run for 20 adrenaline packed minutes. This was followed by lunch in outdoor 'igloos' at Coppa Club overlooking Tower Bridge. The picture above is of the older boys table, average bill £40 a head, not the other younger boys table, average bill £140 a head due to the Chablis Premier Cru going down like water. Then it was a stroll though the City to JEFF WAYNE'S WAR OF THE WORLDS IMMERSIVE EXPERIENCE in the basement and cellars of some big block. Few drinks at the bar, split into two teams, the team below went first. Great fun, room after room of actors and special effects, 3D glasses, video, the works. Following the survivors of the fable Martian attack on London. Group one successfully completed the course and were in the bar celebrating our survival when the strangest thing happened....... Mr Brice, part of Group 2, was back in the bar, arguing with a staff member, pointy fingers, stern looks all round, mention of "Do you know who I am?", "How dare you speak to me like that!" and similar. Obviously we all crowded round to hear the news. Bricey was being ejected! For sexism and abuse of staff. Wow! Not the example expected of the Capo di Capo of 'Safer Medway'. As we understand it as a female staff member prepared to slide down the slide in one of the immersive rooms she warned everyone to stand clear by calling down "I'm coming". JB then riposted with the cry "She's orgasming!" He denies this and says he said something far tamer, but I am the editor so suck it up. The result was instant expulsion from the rooms, and as he argued the toss with her, expulsion from the actual premises! Oh, and we all videoed it, as one does these days, so we all got chucked out too, even though we had not finished our drinks. The expulsion explains why Group 2 did not get a group photo to display here, they were already rolling across the pavement outside when their group photo camera shutter clicked on an empty room. Over to the pub across the road for a round of piss taking and celebration. That is the first time all of GASS have been forcibly ejected from anywhere in 42 years. We have been asked not to return, but never ALL been ejected part-way through our beers. Well done John, never though you had it in you. An interesting and varied AWAYDAY, and came in under budget by £40.

The administrative details and a disclaimer from Henslow Tours Inc. Everything you need to know about the upcoming bonanza tour. Nineteen attendees on this 5 days, 4 night piss-up. Friday 6th to Tuesday 10th September. On the beautiful island of Hvar in the Adriatic Sea. Hvar town is the main town on this 42 mile long, 6 mile wide island, centered around a buzzing port with dozens of bars, restaurants and clubs. Our hotel is a 5 minute beach side promenade walk away from the port. FLIGHTS DEPART - FRIDAY 6th SEPTEMBER - BRITISH AIRWAYS - TERMINAL 5 BA842 TO SPLIT Departure time 09.45. Arrive Split 13.25 20kg checked baggage included. Plus a standard Cabin Bag CHECK IN TWO HOURS BEFORE FLIGHT = 07.45. RETURN - TUESDAY 10th SEPTEMBER - SPLIT BA843 TO HEATHROW T5 Departure time 19.25. Arrival Heathrow 21.05. CHECK IN TWO HOURS BEFORE FLIGHT = 17.25. SPLIT TO HVAR TRANSFER Collected by private minivan at the airport for a short 5 minute run to the nearby port and board two 10 person Summer Breeze 500HP cabin speedboats complete with beers and toilets for the 50 minute run to the jetty outside our hotel. HOTEL - AMFORA, HVAR GRAND BEACH RESORT www.suncanihvar.com BED & BREAKFAST Pay for your own room at the hotel - Singles 1,076E and Twins 1,120E (560E each) The rooms are held by my credit card so if you fail to turn up for ANY reason then YOU owe ME the full price of the room. You can cancel (through me) up to 4 days in advance at no charge, but after that no 'spurious' excuses, it's down to you. SINGLES - GRAHAM, OWEN, HUGH, IAN, GARY, KEITH, LEN. 7 PERS TWINS - BRIAN/STEVE, ANDY/PHIL R, TONY/JOHN, NICK/RON, PETE/PHIL C/ OLLIE/WAYNE. 12 PERS PROGRAMME FRIDAY - Arrive at Hotel at around 15.00. Out on the town. SATURDAY - Free day to explore the hotel and the town. SUNDAY - SAILING DAY 10.30 at the dock outside our hotel to meet two 35 foot yachts with skippers. Sail down the coast for swimming at Borce or Zarace beach, sail to Paklinski Island and pull in Palmizana beach for lunch at Bacchus restaurant, table for 19 booked for 2,00pm www.bacchus-palmizana.com , then sail off again to Mlini beach before sailing home for 18.30. You've all paid £30 deposit, you all owe 80E (£68) in cash on the day (which includes a tip for the skippers). We all voted in and it is now all booked, so if you fail to show on the day due to change of mind/hangover/overslept/death then please don't forget you still owe 80E - and no spurious excuses . The lunch is not included and is not cheap (being on a very nice upmarket island), so if you want to duck out of that then no problem, we can deal with that on the day. "Spurious Excuse" - Any excuse based on false reasoning, and therefore wrong. SUNDAY EVENING - In town in the evening MONDAY - Free day to enjoy, possibly a bit of cycling, maybe over to Carpe Diem in the evening. TUESDAY - Check out by 11.00 and leave luggage. AGM LUNCH somewhere in town at midday. Return to the hotel dock for collection by our speedboats at 16.00. Airport by 17.30 to check in for flight home. JOB DONE! HENSLOW TOURS DISCLAIMER AND POLICY ON STAFF SAFETY. Henslow Tours are proud of their long history of serving their many clients (basically GASS and Mrs Henslow, but that still comes to 23). Our long established family company are famous for organising trips around the globe, often at the last minute, often slightly more dangerous or arduous than maybe the clients expected. Sometimes the standards are high, sometimes not so high (Pontins being a case in point we agree), but always on the money. As proof, this 4 night stay comes out at £812pp (sharing) as opposed to £844pp for last years stay in Barcelona, but is twice as far away to fly. The hotel is (hopefully) at least a star level up and really well located (a 5 minute walk to town as opposed to a 25 minute train ride). Havr itself is top notch and should be ideal for everyone. But to achieve this level of holiday at this bargain price, corners need to be cut, commissions shaved, rules broken and risks taken. Tonys Tours and Evans Expeditions (two competing companies who have previously served GASS well) simply phone a travel agent and say "book it Dano", or words to that effect. Henslow Tours don't. Henslow Tours book everything direct. Flights direct with BA Group Bookings, the hotel direct with the hotel, the transfers and yachts direct with the boat company. None of your silly ABTA bonding, no agent at the end of a phone to help if things got wrong - none of that shilly shallying bullshit. AND they send a dedicated 'Holiday Rep' with each tour group, a real bonus for our clients!. CUSTOMER RELATIONS Our clients matter to us, a bit, but not a lot. Despite the fact that we send a dedicated holiday rep with each group, basically we operate a take-it-or-leave-it policy on the outcome of the trip. Please note the following conditions of traveling with Henslow Tours:- Our carrier is British Airways: If there is an issue with the flight, any issue, literally anything - fucking take it up with British Airways! Rant at the airport staff, bollock the stewardess, insult the pilot, your choice. Just don't bother your tour representative. The transfer boats are hired from Segorent in Hvar, each boat has a skipper: If there is an issue with the boats, any issue, fucking have a go at the skipper! Not your tour representative who may be drunk. The hotel has a reception desk: If you don't like the room, the food, the pool service: Fucking insult the receptionist, don't come bleating to the Henslow Tours representative, as he frankly doesn't give a shit. The yachts for are locally hired, if you don't like the colour, size, shape, length, width, speed, choice of harbours, restaurant, the weather, etc: Chuck the skipper overboard, but don't under any circumstances bother to relate your whinge to your Henslow Tours representative. PROTECTION OF OUR STAFF FROM ABUSE Henslow Tours operate a strict policy of protecting our Holiday Reps from abuse. This follows a particularly difficult group who were taken on an excellent tour to Pontins in Lowestoft in 2021, at the height of the pandemic. Since that event we have substantially toughened up our staff protection policy. YOUR HOLIDAY REPRESENTATIVE on your trip is Mr Brian Henslow . A senior member of our tour company, Brian has a wealth of experience encompassing both great successes and total fuck ups, so we never know what to expect. In any event the important things to remember are:- It is unusual for the tour agent/organiser to actually be on the tour with you. Normally they are at a nice comfy desk in their travel agency, counting the money and generally not giving a shit. If it goes wrong our competitors just shrug their shoulders and blame the Travel Agent. Henslow Tours send a dedicated representative with each tour. So our Holiday Rep is within easy reach of your irrelevant opinions of how things are going, or not going, as the case may be, 24 flipping hours a day. Just remember the most important factor - he doesn't give a shit either! SO IF IT FUCKS UP - TELL B.A, SEGORENT, THE AMFORA - Not Mr Henslow who, having done all this work, DOES NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK. He will however, appreciate being heaped with praise at every juncture should things GO WELL!, or frankly even if they are just passably OK. One way of showing your thanks as clients is to ply him with strong liquor. Just some useful rules for how to get the best from your Henslow Tours Holiday Representative. So remember. Don't complain to him, don't tell him your woes, and if it GOES WELL, give him unrestricted praise and ply him with drink. A tip won't hurt either.

Organised by Hugh, with able assistance from Stuart (who enjoyed the organising so much he didn't go). "Bring your passports" was all we knew in advance. I say 'we knew' but as I (the editor) was climbing Huayna Picchu at the time (did I tell you it is the worlds fifth most dangerous trek?), I don't actually have a clue what went on other than what Hugh told me. Hugh said it was 'outstanding', 'amazing', excellently organised' and a 'real drain on his wallet!'. And who am I to disagree? It certainly looked good in the various videos of the event, plus the group photos show people looking distinctly merry so it must be true. Nineteen crew members, out of 22 GASS members. Not a bad bit of press-ganging Hugh! Only missing were Stuart, Gary (broken something), and me (did I tell you I was climbing Huayna.......) On a fixed budget of £1,000 Hugh flew everyone out to Portugal, provided Blue Moon plus drinks, plus lunch, plus, plus, plus. Great job Hugh.

A second winter pub meeting. Organised by Wayne and Len. A great way to spend a winters Tuesday night with beers, friends and some grub. Sadly, as the editor was away in South America there were (a) no photographs, (b) no minutes, records, anecdotes, and (c) no gossip to record - so this is about the sum of the record of what occurred that night........................... Other than to congratulate Wayne, who stuck with the plan of keeping your meetings near where the organisers live, especially pub meetings. It helps spread the meetings fairly relates to the geography of where all GASS members live. Obviously Len lives nowhere near Leeds Castle, but then he took no meaningful part in the organisation, so bollocks to him!

Another Docklands visit and a totally new concept. Learning to fade out. Something moving up the agenda for several GASS members in the coming years. Have I misunderstood 'fade out'? Organised by Ian, seen above giving it large at the decks, this was a totally new concept for GASS. Quite an achievement after 42 years, finding something new that is, something never before attempted. Alright, not dangerous unless you lick the electrical sockets, but NEW. So kudos to Ian for that alone. GASS members, many of who need a new career, the lazy retired bastards, were fascinated. Just look at the wonder in John and Ollie's faces. To learn a new skill was a revelation at this time of life. To learn how to fade one tune out whilst fading another tune in was amazing. I call them tunes in an old fashioned way you realise, I know they aren't called that now (although what the hell they are called in the modern indium escapes me). It was pointed out that in our day a DJ's didn't fade anything in or even out, they just yelled "great platter from the Hollies, next comes a banger from the Beatles", and wacked on another record with a hissing scratching sound as the needle hit the deck of the Dancette. But time moves on and so we now know how to fade. I've been doing it none stop since the lesson, with two Dancette's and a set of cans. Actual cans, with string. After our skills course we set off up the hill to a lock-in at The KGV for beers and a lovely supper. I say lock-in, not strictly true as everyone left by 9.30, a bit of a new GASS tradition, sadly. Well done Ian, a new skill, a great meeting, and once again - all on budget! Much praise to the new meeting system.

This meeting was organised by Pete and Tony. PUB MEETING - INDIAN RESTAURANT IN KINGSHILL  -  Tumeric Square ORGANISED BY TONY AND PETE Budget £800 - Spent £800 As mentioned in the lead up, this was a meeting organised by two people who bascially live in Bearsted, but who for reasons that are not clear (after several hints at previous meetings that ideally pub meetings should be near where the organisers live), choose to have their meeting a very long way out, on the outer limits of the GASS orbit, in Kingshill.  Almost an Awayday. ​ The given reason was that Tumeric Square is a good restaurant.  Really?  No good ones in Bearsted?  The White Horse, The Black Horse, The Cock Horse, the Running Horse, The Flogging a Dead Horse??   No matter, almost everybody drove a gazillion miles and turned up to what was a successful and enjoyable evening with admittedly excellent grub.  I would repeat that it is a good idea and helps with the fair geographical distribution of meetings if members do try and keep their PUB meetings local to where they live.  And do try an occasional buffet so we can mingle more. ​ The food was excellent.  The meeting was on budget,  But there were a couple of issues. ​ The issues were all dealt with extensively on WhatsApp so I won't bother with the details.  Suffice to say that it revolved round non-payment of the surcharge of a tenner (yes, I know, just a tenner, but it was a matter of principal apparently) due to the house wine being snubbed by a member in favour of a more expensive wine, no problem you may say, surely the member ordering said more expensive wine paid for it, but sadly no. ​ This in turn led to a CHANGE IN THE WRITTEN CONSTITUTION!   Never been done before, just like The House of Commons overruling years of precedent to get Labour off the Gaza Hook!! ​ The Gentleman's Ale Sampling Society is being renamed!   GASS becomes GAASSS(NW).  THE GENTLEMAN'S ALE AND SPIRITS SAMPLING SOCIETY (NO WINE).   ​ GAASSS(NW) will from now on only allow beers, single spirits and soft drinks to be put on the GAASSS(NW) tab at meetings.  WINES at the table will forthwith be ordered and paid for by members.  NO WINE to be ordered on the tab, same for doubles, liquers, sherry and all manner of foreign or exotic drinks.  Any drinks other than beers, single spirits and soft drinks MUST be paid for separately by the person ordering. ​ THIS WILL SOLVE THE VARIOUS ARGUMENTS, ANNOYANCES, AND BUDGET OVERRUNS AT A STROKE!!!!!  Well done the Chairman for pushing this amendment though in record time. ​ Problem solved, until next time!! A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE ​ As an example of the problem this photo, suitably and subtly altered on the advice of our legal department to conceal the identity of the miscreant, shows as evidence a bottle of TAYLORS 2013 SHERRY, ordered at a recent event. ​ When other table members inquired as to its presence at the table they were reassured with the phrase "It costs about the same as a bottle of wine, so it doesn't matter". ​ Suffice to say it did not cost anything like a bottle of wine at £45.  It cost £118 to be precise.  The part drunk bottle was taken home by the member to drink on the train. ​ To be fair to the miscreant he did not flinch when asked to contribute an extra £50 to the table bill, but the new GAASSS(NW) rule should, and hopefully, will put an end to this.   Only CHEESE to deal with now.

A well organised, well attended, well lubricated meeting in Nick's old haunt. A wine bar that takes up part of his office. COOL! Six wines to investigate. And a myriad of possible answers, giving us at best a 1 in 10 chance of a right answer. As most of us would struggle to tell the difference between red and white wine, this was quite an ask. But ask away we did. Just for the record we worked in teams of four, were given six wines to sample, and a big black bucket to spit the bad ones into, so a lot of spitting. All we had to do was choose between TEN countries of origin. The choices being:- USA, UK, Spain, Chile, Argentina, Italy, Ukraine, Ghana, The Maldives, Jamaica, Taiwan, Strood, Alaska, Afghanistan, Mongolia, and last but by no means least - France. That being bad enough we were then given another TEN options for which wine it was. For instance for a white wine we were offered these choices:- Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio, Pinto Gris, Verdiccio, Sauvignon Blanc, Chablis, Vino Verde, Blended Rubbish, Gavi di Gavi, Zinfandel, Elderflower Wine, Sugar Water, Vimto, Cream Soda, Riesling, Muscat, Chenin Blanc, and last but by no means least - Viognier. Some may say - TOO MANY CHOICES TO MAKE A DECISION BASED ON ANYTHING BUT SHEER LUCK. I say 'some' may say. may I make it clear at this juncture that this does NOT include me. I am merely recording the event for posterity. So we all tasted, swilled, sucked our teeth, swallowed or spat, cogitated, discussed, argued and finally made our team decisions. Six wines, six possible countries, six possible wine types, maximum points = 12 per team. How on God's great earth Bell's Bellends (Nick's team names, don't blame me) got 6 is anyone' guess. On the bright side Brian's Belles got 4. The also-rans of Branning's Buggers and Brice's Ballsacks got a measly 1 each. Losers!!! Our hosts and organisers - Nick and Chris. Having tasted and spat we de-camped to the restaurant for a well earned plate of Bangers and Mash. And a quiz. Fifteen arcane questions involving the sexual, political, economic historical, psychological, mythical and practical use of wine. All capable of answering using GOOGLE. Brice's Ballsacks cracked that methinks!! The newly minted branch of the English Defense League (GDL. The GASS Defence league), who spent way to much competition time planning their attack on a poor defenseless solicitors office on the morrow, and drumming up support for said attack, went down with all paving slabs blazing on a wankers score of 5. Brian's Belles, who cheated like hell, but badly, got a poor 6, beaten even by the Bellends on 7, but the Ballsacks creamed it (as that is where the cream comes from - isn't it?) with 12. I'm sorry, 12 out of 15??? The questions were Mastermind daft, impossible to answer, but who cares. They still lost. The winners went on a wild celebration hearing they had won a wine tasting in London with model Carla Delevigne, but at such an extreme surcharge that they settled for a crystal wineglass each, and thought themselves lucky!! I hate Bellends! But fair play to the winners. The next up was the GDL (keep up, the GASS equivalent of the EDL, a rioters club) recruitment drive. The meet was for breakfast at the Tiger Moth PH before setting off to firebomb the Medway Enterprise Center (seriously?). Meet at 10.00am, bring your own petrol and bottle. Sorry, late news, the riot isn't until 8.00pm. slight GDL glitch. Nothing that can't be sorted. [GDL members, be aware that GCHQ AI will have already scanned this post and copped your names for future online prosecution - so don't tell them your names PIke, Owen Brunning, Gary Easdown, Phil Cockerton, Len Smith, just saying, be careful to keep it low key guys] After that came an impassioned and heartrending plea by the current Chairman to be re-elected next year, which was basically agreed - great guy that Branning. To cement his re-election Chairman Branning then organised a GASS golf day which has already garnered 18 players (and guaranteed that Keith will lose his membership of his golf club). Tuesday 27th August. Texas Scramble. Even weirder was that at 10.45pm most members were still at the tables, a comment on the comfy feel of the venue I guess. until someone shouted 'Tarmacers! A bunch of big sweaty smelly oily bastards had closed the exit to the car park on the trivial excuse of resurfacing half of Rochester. Bastards! But all good things have to come to an end and so well done Nick and Chris!!

A great evening out on the water, at least that is what we were promised. An opportunity to race around the Dock basin in Swan shaped pedalos, an opportunity not to be missed I hear you say. Well you would be wrong in that assumption. Dead wrong. We started the evening in fine form. The organisor being Graham (ably aided by Phil R), decided to copy Ron's ploy from last month - he gave everyone the postcode of the difficult to find car park. Or rather he gave everyone the postcode of his pretty easy to find office in Chatham. So we all went to Graham's office first, then one by one realised you can't float a boat from high up on the old A2. Rang around, got the actual postcode - and just like last month, all arrived an hour late. Which for some was a blessing! It meant that they didn't have to go 50 yards offshore, turn round once and head back. The ensuing chaos was a bit like arranging a 100 meter sprint race but failing to say in which direction everyone should run, or even bothering with a start and finish line, just shouting 'three-two-one-go!' and calling it a day. So the swans just pottled around a bit and then gave up and came in. It was a bit of a damp grey day so the opub was a better bet. Once everyone had clocked that the pub had a funny (and potentially expensive) wrinkle in their parking rules, as in if you forgot to 'check in' your car the bill was a modest £70 a car, we enjoyed a very good dinner. I have to be fair to graham and say wellish done. Not the normal effusive compliments handed out to organisers. Just OKish. Better luck next year.

Organised by Ray and Ron. This was a doozy. We were all given the exact address and postcode of the venue by Ron, very much the junior partner in the organisation of this mega-event. Only Ron, for reasons known only to Ron, decided to give us the address and postcode of an entirely different venue. It was indeed a Spitfire museum, just not the Spitfire museum we were booked into. Ron being Ron was late to the venue, in fact the last to arrive, apart from Ray, the main organiser, who weirdly did not turn up at all, as he had gone to the right place I guess. About an hour of total confusion ensued as even with the right postcode finally wrung from Ray, it was a bugger to find, but once found - a true gem. Not a museum at all but a fiercely private and well hidden Spitfire resoration factory with about 15 of the buggers inside in various states of repair and rebuild. Great guides, immensly experienced and knowledgable, gave us a fascinating tour of the place. Who knew? Well I suppose Ray knew, just not enough to give Ronaldo the correct address though. Luckily he gave us the right address for a very enjoyable pub lunch! Well done Ray (and Ron) for first of all finding out about the place, second for finding the actual place, and third for giving us such a laugh at the sending us to a totally different Spitfire museum in the first place. Classic!!